Support a Loved One

It can be difficult to support a family member or a loved one who struggles with hoarding. Many families find that their relationships can be strained or even severed. Family members can find it stressful if their loved one does not recognize the health and safety risks in their home.

Key Principles of Support

Hover for more info.

Be empathetic

Try to put yourself in your loved ones’ shoes and see things from their perspective. They may be struggling with physical or emotional challenges that make it hard for them to keep on top of organization and letting go of items.

Let them make decisions

Let your loved one make decisions about their own possessions. After all, it’s their stuff!

Be trustworthy

Do not touch, move or remove items from the person’s home without their permission. While you may think that you are being helpful by tossing things while your loved one is not at home, it can break their trust with you, and damage your relationship.

Help where you can

You may not be able to do everything you would like. If your loved one wants help with specific tasks, start there. Perhaps in time you will develop trust and be able to do more.

Know your own limits

Sometimes working with your loved one can take its toll on you. Don’t take on more than you can handle, and make sure that you attend to your own needs. This may mean that you do not work on sorting, organizing and discarding with your loved one. Many family members find that this kind of work is too frustrating for them, and it is better left to a service or agency.

Take breaks and work safe

If you do work on sorting, organizing and discarding with your loved one, taking regular breaks, only working for as long as you feel comfortable, and using appropriate protective equipment as needed (such as N-95 masks, gloves, etc.).

Help with hauling

Once your loved one has made decisions about letting go of items, it may be helpful for you to bring it to the donation centre, recycling centre, etc. Ask them if that is something they would like you to do.

Tips for Communicating with a Person Who Hoards

Use non-judgemental language

People with a lot of clutter often feel shame and embarrassment about the state of their home. Using language that shows judgment will make it harder to work together. Be especially mindful of negative language about the person’s possessions, like “junk” or “trash”.

Don’t call your loved one a “hoarder”

The term has a lot of stigma, and most people are offended by it.

You may not want to use the word “hoarding” at all

It’s more helpful to use the same words that your loved one uses to describe themselves. For example, if they call themselves a collector, or a saver, than it is better to use those terms.

Don’t argue with your loved one about getting rid of items

Research shows that arguing causes the person to be more convinced of their own position.

Praise progress!

If you notice progress, no matter how small, be sure to let your loved one know that you noticed, and congratulate them. People can feel overwhelmed by the task of sorting their home, and may feel as though the little changes don’t make a difference.

Download these tips as a PDF.

Counselling Services

As a family member or loved one of someone who struggles with hoarding, you may find that you need support for your own mental health. Below is a list of agencies that provide counselling services in Wellington and Guelph.

Please note: we do not recommend or endorse any service. This list is meant to provide a starting point from which to explore options.

Family Counselling and Support Services – Guelph

Family Health Teams (FHT)

Note: Your primary care provider must be a member of the local Family Health Team to access counselling services at the Family Health Team. Please speak to your doctor’s office to find out if they are a member of a FHT or for more information.

More info

Family Health Teams in Guelph Wellington include:

Guelph Family Health Team: https://www.guelphfht.com/
Upper Grand Family Health Team: https://uppergrandfht.org/
Mount Forest Family Health Team: http://www.mountforestfht.com/
East Wellington Family Health Team: https://www.ewfht.ca/
Minto-Mapleton Family Health Team: http://www.mmfht.ca

Guelph Community Health Centre

Note: You must be a client of the Guelph Community Health Centre in order to access counselling services there.

University of Guelph Couple and Family Therapy Centre

Canadian Mental Health Association Waterloo Wellington – Here 24/7 Crisis Line

If you are in crisis, call anytime: 1-844-437-3247

You may also have access to counselling services through your place of employment. Many employers offer Employee Assistance Programs, or cover fee-for-service counselling through group benefits program.

Resources

Children of Hoarders

Toronto Hoarding Support Service Network

A website with links to free webinars for family, loved ones and caregivers of people with hoarding.

Visit our Resources & Support page for a complete list of resources.